It’s been a while since I have graced the pages of another blog, much to the disappointment of at least 13 people. In fact, I have had literally 2 requests that I return to the pages of the internet (they have it on computers now). You can only ignore such demands so long (“Hey Rob. You haven’t blogged in a while.” I get it. You need me).
It has been 4 months since I posted anything…I’m not sure how anyone’s relationship is surviving. To be honest, I did make numerous attempts to blog. Unfortunately for you, my attempts usually went from this:
I would generally get about 1 or 2 paragraphs into a decent blerg, only to realize that I was veering off course. Nothing I was writing was coming out funny or helpful and I would spend a good 20 minutes looking at random pictures on the internet (there has to at least 1,000 pictures on the interweb nowadays) only to give up in frustation that I had lose my touch, man…did you ever have a touch to lose, man? (warm hug to whomever can name that movie without google). Ultimately, I reached a point where I avoided my blog like
the plague a Dave Matthews Band concert.
Then, after a month or two of not even acknowledging my blog, I went back and read over some previous posts. I don’t know if you guys realize this, but I think I am really funny. I don’t mean like slight chuckle funny, I mean grab your neighbor and punch him in the eye funny. As I read over my blogs, I was so impressed with myself. My humor really spoke to me. It motivated me to get out there and try again to make me laugh. And then it occurred to me. I write my blog for me.
No offense. I like people reading my blog, but when I write it to make other people laugh or to inspire other people, I get too in my head. I lose focus on what really matters. Like this:
My efforts to write something really amazing made me stop saying anything at all. And let’s not forget, there is an alarming shortage of blogs on the internet. So this blog is a return to excellence in my own mind. And I’ve got to tell you, it feels great. As far as I’m concerned, this is the best blog I have ever written. Yup. Best ever.
Now, if you have not yet been able to relate to my condescending arrogance, allow me to tie together Dawson’s Creek, Homer Simpson, and Roger Troutman for you. Sometimes, we get too in our heads. When we talk with our partners or spouses, we worry how what we say will be received. So, we fumble around with our words, or we don’t say anything at all. Our anxiety immobilizes us and we end up crying in the corner (Dawson’s Creek style…that guy is from Dawson’s Creek, right?).
When we have arguments with our significant others, we are responsible for our own feelings. If we can’t express them honestly (not meanly…like you’re an idiot), then we will eventually end up avoiding our relationship like a Dave Matthews Band concert. We stop talking all together because anger or frustration becomes something terrible, rather than an acceptable emotion we all experience.
So, in your next argument, be more open…not mean, open. Tell your partner what’s going on for you, because it’s what’s going on for you; not to try and get some sort of response from them. They can like or not like what you said, but you got your Luke Perry and Roger Troutman out there.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go see if I can find some random photos to tie into a blog….Hey! There’s an idea. You send me some random photos and I’ll see if I can work them into some sort of therapeutic/relationship message.
Rob Porter, Ph.D., LMFT
Marriage Therapist, Couple Counselor, Family Therapist, Man of Excellence